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III
put me on a plane, fly me to anywhere
July 31, 2006
// 9:48 PM
Fair warning. This is fcking long ass entry to those who even read my whining. ---
I don't know exactly what I'm going to write about, but I have a lot of things on my mind. So much that it kept me up until 5 in the morning last night. That wasn't fun.
I tried to think of a new layout for this thing, but I'm in shit because I don't even have Adobe Illustrator or Adobe Photoshop on this thing (laptop).
Benson and David visited me this morning at the cafe. Thanks guys. :]
Then Nella and Bjay and Dallis and Jon and Kevin came. Party at the Little Table. heart.
Last night, I couldn't sleep. Probably because I was thinking in Korean after all these sappy movies and dramas. I don't know. There's just a shit load of things I can't stop thinking about.
I don't want to leave. Ever since I started elementary school, I was working up to this--to getting into a good college and making my parents proud and happy and making a living for myself, for my future family. When I was young, it was like everything was just planned for me. I didn't have to worry about anything, it was just the fact that I had to get an education. I couldn't really even think of another route. Now I'm going to Berkeley in less than a month and I'm probably going to be shitting scared when I get there. My sister always told me that I was always such a strong person, brave and not really scared of things. But as much as I always wanted to get away, to leave this stink of a place Milpitas, I don't want to have to get out of my routine.
Routine, routine, routine. I know going to college, going to class, studying hard and hardly studying is going to be routine in the near future, but I still don't know what to expect and I don't really want to face it either. I'm going to be living with two complete strangers and I just don't feel comfortable. I'm not in my comfort state and haven't been for the last couple of weeks.
I wish I felt the way I did a couple months into junior year. I'll never forget that feeling. I was so happy. I was enjoying my life and I felt like I could do anything, and there was nothing I was afraid of. Nothing but natural disasters. I didn't care about much and had no worries. I learned that things happen for a reason and that if things aren't meant to be, they just aren't meant to be. My state of mind was wonderful. I stayed that way for about a year and it just went downhill. Some people noticed that I wasn't the same. I always loved the sunshine and was just such a happy person. Since then, I've forgotten how to put myself in that state of mind. Either that, or, theres just no way right now I can be in that state of mind.
This whole cafe thing is just driving my entire family insane. It's hard sometimes because both my parents' tempers are just hanging by threads. I think they both thought this would be easier. To be honest, we're not doing that great, but I mean, we have to hang in there. Things don't come easy. But I know both my parents are just tired. My dad asked me the other day just to tell him if I wanted to continue with the cafe, and I immediately answered him, "No." Believe it or not, life was much easier back then.
I'm worried about how my parents will be when my sister and I are both gone. They can't go a day without needing my help. And with the cafe, it's going to be pretty damn hard for my dad to work there all day by himself. We need to hire someone, I know, but I don't think we can afford that. And my parents are getting old. My mom doesn't want to work anymore, but we can't really afford that either. She's our only steady income, but she's tired of working. My dad's real estate thing isn't steady but it helps. I don't want to bother them for money when I'm in college. I definitely need to get a job when I'm there. I just wish all of us could get a break. I think my family deserves it.
After all this, if theres one thing I learned this year, is that money really does make a difference. If we could afford all these responsibilities, we'd be better off, there's no doubt about it. If the money was there, my whole family would be in a happier state right now, that's for sure.
I'll have to leave a lot of people I really care about too, come the end of August. It makes me cry when I even mention it. I hate being alone by myself. If this were back in junior year, I wouldn't be feeling this way, but right now, I am. Only this summer did I really just feel like I caught up with some of my closest friends, and now it's over. Four years is a long time. School will be stressful, and I doubt anyone I just meet will be as good company as any of my friends. I'll come home every 2 weeks or so, sure, it's not that long, but Bjay.. Lenine, leaving us! And it's not like many people are staying in the Bay Area. And Kevin.. I can't even begin to tell you how much I've thought about it, and I have choices, but any way I go, it's going to suck. Shit this makes me so upset.
I don't know if anyone will or did read any of this. But it makes me feel a slight bit better that I wrote it down. It definitely goes deeper, but this probably isn't the place.
III
hum..
July 30, 2006
// 11:05 PM
I've been a little funny these past few days.
It's probably not directly related to the Korean drama I just finished (Autumn in my Heart), heh.
I must just be sad that I'm leaving soon. Move-in day is just a couple weeks away now..
Yeah, I'm kinda sad. Sigh..
III
I'm in love love love..
July 25, 2006
// 8:38 PM
Yesterday was the Jason Mraz concert. I would have posted yesterday about it, but I wanted pictures to go along with it.
It was an interesting start to it.. Nella, Lenine and I got there early cause we had gen admission tickets and it turned out we couldn't even be there early. This woman kicked us out and we were forced to walk down the mile something path down to the main road. Lenine's dad had left and didn't have a cell phone, but thank goodness.. we ran into a couple of angels. This car drove by, after getting kicked out as well, and asked us if we were going to the concert and needed a ride. They drove us downtown with them and we split up for an hour. At 6, we met up again and they found out we had gen admission tickets so we needed to get there early. They, being sooo nice, brought us all the way up the hill again before they went to park at West Valley. Sigh. There is good in this world!
The concert.. was just.. amazing. He was soooo wonderful. It made me soo happy just watching him. It was like.. it just made me happy seeing how happy he was performing for us. You could tell how genuine all the things in his songs are. He is such a happy person.. so happy with life, and you can just tell by the way he talks and sings that it just makes you happy too. His first set was amazing. Just a 20 minutes something transition between about 4 or 5 songs. It was beautiful! What made it better was that the concert was just him and his guitar(s). No amps, no extra ear bleeding speakers.. just him and a couple guys from his band. It was just beautiful. It was like listening to him on my computer or something. So clear, so beautiful. He played I'm Yours and I nearly fainted. His voice is godsend. He is so talented and his voice is just amazing. I wish I could see him again.. the night was worth it. The unbearable heat.. the 50 bucks on tickets.. and the 20 bucks on the event shirt. .. alll worth it. I'm so happy he was the first person I could see in concert. He could be my last and I wouldn't mind. I just realized I said 'happy' like 10k times.
Did I mention he's coming out with an acoustic album? What? Yeah? I think I'm going to die. :]
This is the list of songs Nella and Lenine helped me compile.. what I could remember and in the approximate order of what he played last night. I'm missing at least a few songs.
Eyes Open
You Make Me High
Older Lover
The Darkest Space
Dead End (?)
0% Interest
On Love in Sadness
Life is Wonderful
Mr. Curiousity
Sleeping to Dream
Did You Get My Message
Please Don't Tell Her
You and I Both
I'm Yours
Fine Dining
God Moves Through You
Bella Luna
10k Mother Fuckers
Song for a Friend
It was a damn good night. The lovely stage 
Us listening to some Jamaican music and sweating bullets while waiting for Jason to come out.
My favorite one of Jason and the band
III
One week until Jason Mraz
July 17, 2006
// 12:05 AM
I'm fulfilling my dream of seeing Jason Mraz. July 24th at the Montalvo art center. You bet I'm excited. I love him so much. I probably won't be insane that day, but he's so freaking wonderful it makes me cry almost. This from his blog:
Someone asked me sweetly yesterday about posting a new journal entry. It's been 13 days I was astonishingly informed. My reply to her was that my life has been so overwhelmingly joyous that to write it down makes it feel so small. I didn't think the season of joy would last forever but apparently it's going to. Better yet, I choose for it to. I've finally come to a place where it's okay for me to communicate with life in ways that don't require me to understand it. I've been collecting smiles this whole time, as if they were butterflies in a big ole' net. I have a billion.
I love that he is like that. And I love that I know exactly what he's talking about. Too bad I haven't felt that way since like.. last .. September? October? I don't know. It was a damn good feeling though. I really like the way he says how writing about his life would make it look so small. I wish I could say that. My life right now.. is just basically small. Sad, but true.
Hot weather sucks ass. I love cold weather. I like having comfy jackets and drinking warm yummy sweet cocoa type things. I want to get a tumbler. They're really cute. I want that Davis one, Kev!!! :D
It's still freaking hot and it's past midnight.
OH! And Happy 19th Birthday to a Miss Janella Umali! less than three (I think I'm like 10 minutes too late now but whatever :D) loooove you my dear.. you oldie :]
Alright time to go to sleep! Goodnight all. I hope your lives are as good as JM's..
III
well then..
July 12, 2006
// 2:50 PM
These past days have been a bit interesting. Let's just say, my belief is true.. the one who's meant for you would never send you off in tears. my dear, sing your heart out.. those songs are good for you. :]
Working at the cafe was fun today. Well, it's not over yet.. but it's been decently busy. I think we're just beginning to settle in. I see a lot of regulars now. It's nice to get to know them. They're all so friendly and nice! Summer Java Rock Night is comingggggggg. You will definitely hear more about it from me. August 4th ya'lllll. :)
Happy 1 1/2 my dear! <3
III
Damn, that was fun
July 02, 2006
// 9:49 PM
 I really miss our trip.. even though it ended just 3 days ago. It was 4-5 non-stop moving, but it was soooo fun. I think all of us were kinda in a withdrawl when we got back. It was nice just hanging out with friends until bed time and waking up with them in the morning and grabbing some breakfast. I loved it so much.. And not to mention the places we went.. good choices for the most part. At least we didnt' really have a boring day..
Sunday was the like.. 5 hour drive to Los Angeles. Yeah, it was pretty quick. We got to the hotel and had to wait 2 hours for our room. Crappy ass service. And in addition, our room smelled like pee. :[
Monday was spent at the Happiest Place On Earth--Disneyland! None of the waits for the rides were too long. Fast Passes are the way to go, I say. The best ride there was definitely Space Mountain. Fashoooooooooooo. The expensive food was expected.. I'm sad I didn't get to take pictures with any of the characters though :[ I only saw them during the parade and didn't even have a camera on me. It was steaming hot that day, but we survived! We stayed there from 9am to 12pm--Hardcore Disneylanders. :)
 Tuesday was so-so. The rides were awesome at Six Flags Magic Mountain.. but the service was SHIT. The workers stood around like turtles and didn't care about angry riders. They just took the precious damn time. The rides made up for it A LITTLE BIT. That day, I was there at SF from ehhhh... 10am-7pm. That place got me tired quick.. or it was just Disneyland that took my energy. Another car full went home a bit later and that night we had thai take out and hawaiian bbq in our hotel room!
Wednesday -San Diego!!!! That place was BEAUTIFUL! We went to La Jolla Shores Beach and even though the place was crowded as hell, it was STILL better than Santa Cruz. The water was nice and the sand was too. Kudos to Yukari for fitting all 8 of us in her apartment. And Thanky sissy for taking us to Chopstix. Japanese ramen-go!
 
Thursday.. it all ended. BOOO. Luckily, Dan took 101 N up so we got a bit of scenry and skipped out of seeing those stinky cows on I5. It took like 9 hours from San Diego though. Boo.
And now.. I'm sad that I don't get to play anymore. Just work at the cafe.. sigh. People! Come see me :[
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Name: ymmatammy
