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III
wan le You know what's sad? I woke up today and the first thing i thought was : ihml. No joke. It was the first thing I said when I openned my eyes. Every day just gets worse and worse. I just keep thinking how pathetic and weak I am and I roll out of bed and I look in the mirror and tell myself that things will work the way I want them to.. eventually. But I'm not going to kid myself anymore. I'm freaking pathetic and I really need someone to slap me. I finished dinner yesterday and really wanted to call. Like REALLY wanted to. I was on the verge to then I asked Ivy to lend her ear instead. I feel like a mess. Nothing is the way it was before. I feel like I can't finish anything I started and I feel like no one can help. Shit. I really hate myself right now. I REALLY hate myself. Can this just be over now? PLEASE? Can you just say that we're done playing this break game and be like we used to? I'm seriously dying. I get pounded at work with a billion things to do from 5 different people and I feel like all I want to do is step outside and call you. Then I realize I can't. And I look at what I'm doing and feel like I just want to get up and leave. You know how I always used to talk about routine and how everyday is the same? Right now, I feel so confused because everything is NOT the same and it's driving me crazy. I feel like I've just broken into 50 thousand pieces and am at a loss thinking how I'm supposed to put myself back together again. I feel stupid thinking you can put me back together again by just saying a few words and how you can break me into another thousand pieces if you say another few words. I'm fcking miserable, people. Don't ask how I'm doing.
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Name: ymmatammy
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