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Name: ymmatammy
Home: Berkeley, California, United States
About Me: Currently a student at the University of California, Berkeley majoring in Economics. Soon-to-be graduate. Looking to take advantage of what time I have left before I get thrown into the real world--I want to take photos, travel and eat good food. I like to play tennis, design things, make things from scratch and cook.
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III 为什么我不可以愉快一点?
     August 12, 2007 // 7:43 PM

So, last night was a terrible terrible night and I totally saw it coming. I don't know why I got so upset. Actually, I do know why I was so upset. And I'm even more upset that nothing seems like the right answer anymore. It's either getting really pissed and upset or feeling really terribly bad and regretful. I'd rather forget yesterday night. If there was one day I'd take back this summer, it'd be last night or that night in July. Last night I got to bed at 1 something and attempted to fall asleep but failed miserably. Then around 3:30 I realized I still hadn't gotten a phone call, made me feel like shit. Tried again to go to sleep at 4:30, and I knew it wasn't coming. I was wide awake, really frustrated and slapping myself in the face because I wanted to do anything but allow myself to lay down and have my thoughts wander. I turned on my laptop and I talked to Dallis for an hour or so in my frustration. I wished I could get wasted really badly. I tried to go to bed at 5:30 after realizing my mom would be getting up soon for work and what do you know, I still couldn't sleep. So I laid there. With my head feeling like it was going to explode, I watched it get lighter and lighter in my room. I heard my mom leave for work and felt like I was doomed for the "night" and I was just going to call it quits for sleeping at 7. Finally, I fell asleep at around 7:30am.

Then. I woke up at 9:15am. with the intention of taking a jog/walk across Milpitas to visit Kevin. I figured the best way to forget that night was to just do something that'd make me happy and forget it happened. So I trekked 3 miles over to his house at 9:30 and got there a little bit before 10:30. I ran a lot less than I should've but the roads I took weren't exactly jogger-friendly. I planned to wake him up but my plan failed and he was already awake. Great.

Anyways. I think I've given this summer up. There's no way to turn it around and make it one of my best summers. Isn't that sad? This summer is a goner for me now. I literally have 2 weeks left until my first day of school. Please, just give me a break mother dearest and do not scold me any longer for staying out past 11:30; just give me a break god of sleep and do not give me any sleepless nights; just give me a break Telebears and stop screwing me over; just give me a break little thing of mine called my relationship, just let me be happy, let me spend time with the person that makes me happy. I don't want to be sad anymore this summer.

I want to spend a day in San Francisco and just relax there. I want to go to Crissy Field and have a picnic. I want my significant other to surprise me with flowers and I want to feel breeze from the ocean on a cool summer day with the sun out and bright. I want to stroll around Chinatown and smell the scent of cheap Asian goods. I want to eat real Chinese food and I want to see happy people at the park in Chinatown. I want to go to the pier and look at the beautiful bay. I want to see the sunset and I want to enjoy the city lights at night.

So could you just please give extra effort these next two weeks and get me out of this state of mind?

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