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III
i'm going to take a nap after this
September 27, 2006
// 12:57 PM
Because this sums up basically these past few days..
tammy said: :-X
tammy said: maybe i should drop out of college and join the peace corps
tammy said: :-[
MatricityStorm: why???!?!?!!
Auto response from tammy said: okay that south african guy wasn't kidding.
it's all downhill from here. :-X
someone shoot me.
tammy said: because i'm stupid and i'm really tired of doing homework
tammy said: and not playing
tammy said: and not sleeping
tammy said: and
tammy said: not
tammy said: being happy
MatricityStorm: :-(
MatricityStorm: honey
MatricityStorm: a few mor days and u can have a lot of fun
tammy said: maybe you'll understand when you actually have homework
tammy said: uh huh
MatricityStorm: yea
tammy said: i just have to study for my midterms
tammy said: that's all
tammy said: no biggy
tammy said: it's not like that's going to be hard or anything
tammy said: ...
MatricityStorm: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
tammy said: i wish i were home
MatricityStorm: honeyyyyyy
MatricityStorm: =/
tammy said: just so i could cry
tammy said: and i wish you were home too
tammy said: so i could actually talk to you for more than 10 minutes
MatricityStorm: :-(
Two days ago, I cracked. I seriously felt like I wanted to kill someone. I hate not having my own room, doing what I want, when I want, and how I want. It's so hard to live literally with 30 other people. I can't even talk on the phone in privacy. At home, I could just walk in my room and close my door. Now, I have to search for somewhere where no will will venture. Two nights ago, I attempted to do my homework, only to be bothered by some annoying people outside getting on my nerves and screaming. I shouted for them to stfu. Then my mom calls me like 3 times to lecture me about giving her all my paper work before turning it in. I get pissed and go to throw away my cup of raspberry iced tea. I throw it, I miss, and raspberry iced tea adorns the bathroom floor a split second later. By this time, I give up and admit to myself that college just owned me. I clean it up and go to Eliot's room to rant and study and leave my roomie to talk to her bf on the phone in the room.
I wish someone I knew lived right across from me. That way, I wouldn't have to resort to calling Kevin all the time.
Yesterday night, I took a break from homework and went over to Ivy's dorm to watch Gilmore Girls with Karen and Mehr. It was cute, just girls watching Gilmore Girls. I freaking love that show. I love Rory! After that, I came back to my hell of a room and finished up my rhetoric outline.. which forced me to stay up until 3 in the morning. For some reason, I wasn't sleepy when I went to sleep and I couldn't sleep until 4. I got up at 9 in the morning and slumped out of bed.
The thing is. I never really wanted to go here. The only thing that was the decision maker was.. well.. it's Berkeley. I think that being the top public school can reasonably override many factors. I didn't want to come to a place so competitive and so uncomfortable... so unlike where I came from. It's a change in surroundings for sure. I think it was just too much of an abrupt change. Basically. This is how it is here:
Teachers asks a question, and you process the question, think of an answer and raise your hand. But by that time, that question has already been answered by one of the 10 people who raised their hand before the professor even finished asking the question.
How can anyone be comfortable with so much pressure and competition!? I'm having a breakdown and it's only been a month since school started. I'm sure this is going to be a thing of the past in a while, but still. It really sucks. I always think to myself that I should have just gone to Davis. Is trading 4 years of a comfortable lifestyle for a degree from Berkeley worth it? I don't know. Too bad I won't be able to figure that one out until I'm 30 or something.
To take a break from all this stuff, Ivy and I have planned an eventful next few weeks. Play time! I have learned to value my weekends.
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Name: ymmatammy
1 Comments:
At Wed Sep 27, 02:57:00 PM PDT,kick berkeley's ass! i know you can. =)
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